Again, forgive the spacing issues...
Theft
by
R. K. Futty
LIGHTS UP on an empty stage. DOLORES, and elderly woman dressed in a long flowing nightgown dances her way onstage beneath twinkling lights, barefoot and free. She smiles, immersed in motion and the happiness found in the absence of thought. All is beautiful. KEVIN enters upstage right. DOLORES stops, faces the audience.
DOLORES
Hello. I’m Sylvia Plath. I like to stick my head in ovens. I have three children: Id, Ego, and Super-Ego. My Father was a secret Nazi so I hate the Jews.
KEVIN
Damn dirty apes.
DOLORES
How dare you! My mother was Jewish!
KEVIN
But you said you hate the Jews!
DOLORES
What?! I never said that! I’m Jewish!
KEVIN
And I’m Puerto Rican.
DOLORES
You look French. It’s the beret.
KEVIN
Well I’m not French. I’m Swedish. Can’t you tell?
DOLORES
You Christians don’t know what you’re talking about.
KEVIN
So said every Atheist ever.
DOLORES
I’m not an Atheist! I’m Agnostic.
KEVIN
Okay, Sylvia.
DOLORES
Who’s Sylvia?
KEVIN
You are!
DOLORES
No, my name is Winston Churchill. I killed every Nazi ever with my potbelly powers and personally put out my cigar on Goebbels face.
KEVIN
I’m so sorry for the mistake Mr. Prime Minister!
DOLORES
As you should be! You Americans ruin everything.
KEVIN
On that we can agree. I’m Jefferson, by the way. Thomas Jefferson. You may have read my work.
DOLORES
Mein Kampf?
KEVIN
...no. How about “The Declaration of Independence?”
DOLORES
Sorry. I was only allowed to read one book growing up.
KEVIN
It freed the colonists from their British overlords!
DOLORES
Well La-ti-da! I free the slaves.
KEVIN
President Lincoln?
DOLORES
Canasta! Good to know my name still means something.
KEVIN
You know you ultimately did nothing.
DOLORES
WHAT?
KEVIN
There are more slaves today than in the history of the world.
DOLORES
Oh please.
KEVIN
Over 27 million. But nobody cares. They all keep buying their cheap slave-made products because it’s easy. There’s been so much media exposure - but most people care more about which stars banging who or the fact that Republicans or Democrats are the ones who are really wrong. No one cares about working together to help end serious issues. The old fight over money, the young party like there’s no tomorrow-
DOLORES
YOLO!
KEVIN
-What ever happened to the common good? This is not what we created this country for.
DOLORES
That’s sad and all but it doesn’t really affect me. If I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist.
KEVIN
Tell that to the four-year-old girls repeatedly being raped, daily, after being sold into slavery by their parents - who couldn’t pay their rent because they themselves are under the burden of forced labor.
DOLORES
This is why I stuck my head in that oven. Our world’s insane. Now let me relive my Nazi-killing glory days in peace. I need to remember my mother. I knew her. She counts.
KEVIN
Fine. Here’s your meds Mr. President. Take them and I’ll go.
DOLORES
My name is Dolores.
KEVIN
I know. You still have to take the pills.
He hands her pills. She takes them.
DOLORES
When can I go home?
KEVIN
You can never go home. Your family’s just like the rest of this country. Selfish and unfair.
DOLORES(crying softly)
Can’t you do anything?
KEVIN
There’s nothing to be done.
KEVIN puts his arm around DOLORES and lets her cry into his shoulder. He leads her off stage. LIGHTS OUT.
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